1. Their big-ass apartments make no sense. Didn’t they move here right after college? There’s no way they could afford that shit.
2. Most NYC apartments don’t even allow a gerbil these days, so WTF is Robin doing with five dogs?!
3. Oh, and the goat? A farm animal in your apartment? How did they even get that in the building without running into trouble?
4. Sword fighting? HELLO?! Most places won’t give you your deposit back if you put a single nail in the wall.
5. They make a living above a bar look like a grand old time, but all those loud-ass drunk people probably get super annoying
As if NYC weren’t already loud enough…
6. Like, how does Marshall and Lily’s baby sleep on the weekends with all that bar noise? What about nap time?
7. Also, how can these people afford to take cabs so often? WHAT ABOUT SWEATING ON THE SUBWAY EVERY DAY LIKE THE REST OF US PEASANTS?
8. And what kind of NYC chauffeur drive you around for free? RANJIT, WHY MUST YOU DECEIVE US ALL?
9. They act like renting a limo on New Year’s Eve is a great idea, but EVERY NEW YORKER KNOWS YOU’LL GET STUCK IN THE WORLD’S WORST TRAFFIC.
They learned their lesson.
10. NONE of Barney’s ridiculous pickup techniques from his Playbook would ever work on a street-smart city lady.
11. Most of them would probably get you arrested and labeled as a sex offender and then inspire the next Law & Order: SVU episode.
Especially his re-enactment of “The Naked Man.”
12. Barney always mentions his love for “suiting up,” but…NYC GETS HOT IN THE SUMMER BARNEY. WHERE’S THE SWEAT?
Cool as a cucumber…how deceiving.
13. It’s pretty misleading when they make your morning work commute look like a Broadway musical
14. The fact that they never got a single noise complaint about throwing countless rooftop parties is also a GIANT LIE.
15. And all those crazy apartment parties without bothering a single neighbor…ANOTHER BIG FAT LIE.
16. They make it seem legal to turn their apartment into a bar and sell liquor without a license…WTF?!?!
The only puzzle about “Puzzles” is how no one got arrested.
17. Ted and Barney make it seem like NYC bartenders are fantastic with hopping over the counter and helping themselves to all the booze…WRONG
18. No bartender would ever trust you to close up the place when you want to stay and drink after the last call.
19. Oh, and no working adults have the time to throw this many themed parties. DON’T YOU HAVE A JOB OR SOMETHING?
20. No true New Yorker would EVER casually leave a baby with a total stranger on the street…ROBIN, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
21. NYC is such a fast-paced city, and yet all these people do is CHILL OUT AT THIS STUPID BAR.