HIMYM: Ranking All Of Ted Mosby’s Ex-Girlfriends

Jeanette

So this girl was the worst. Stalker, pyromaniac, criminal… Maybe she would’ve worked for How I Met Your Felon, but no-can-do’s-Ville for this show.

Royce

And you thought Ted had baggage. Well, he does — Royce’s was just worse. She’s been left at the altar three times, shares a bed with her brother, and has a gambling addiction. Hmm, no, thank you.

Becky

And here’s a strange interlude in Ted’s search for a (normal) girlfriend. Becky was so childish, that she would have Ted tie her shoelaces on dates. Robin gets points for hating Becky from the start.

Karen

We love Laura Prepon, but we’d like to erase Karen from memory. Luckily, Ted’s friends saved him from himself, and we were rid of her in just a couple of episodes.

Blah Blah

We’re romantics — we like to think two people can and should fall in love online, especially while playing World of Warcraft. Unfortunately, Blah Blah (Ted forgot her name) turned out to be jealous and crazy in real life.

Vicky

Here’s a low for Ted: After realizing he had nothing in common with Vicky, Ted tried to pull the “naked man” — a move that is semi-successful at getting someone to sleep with you by surprising them with your nakedness. Vicky was cool with it. Huh.

Cathy

Poor Cathy — her only crime was never coming up for air (or other people’s comments) when sharing one story after another story after another story… She later found happiness with a deaf man.

Zoey

Ugh. Zoey. The temporary Mother “red herring” of Season 6, Zoey did have a lot of things in common with Ted. She also was married and sort of (read: extremely) annoying. Thumbs down.

Carly

Love cannot be built on merely a mutual love of Star Wars — especially if one party (Carly) has only seen the “new ones.” Get out of here, Carly. There’s no room for fake Star Wars fans in this show.

Strawberry

All we need to remember about Strawberry is that she threw paint at a nice chef during dinner, screaming “MEAT IS MURDER.” We’re down with vegetarians, but this is too extreme in our books.

Amanda

The HIMYM gang is a cool one, but not an easy one to infiltrate. Ted brought Amanda over for Lily’s birthday party, but Lily freaked out, predicting (correctly) that Ted wouldn’t even remember Amanda’s name in a year. (“Bertha?”)

Natalie

Sometimes things just don’t work out — and it’s no one’s fault. It was, however, Ted’s fault for trying to break up with Natalie on her birthday. Krav Maga evened the score, though.

Stacey

Who knows if Stacey would’ve been right for Ted? Barney’s unconfirmed one-night stand with her ruined our relationship for Ted.

Naomi

As if love with a character played by Katie Holmes could ever last… Despite the mildly distracting casting, their relationship and breakup were pretty honest. They both wanted it to work, but the chemistry just wasn’t there.

Stella

This one’s sort of a bummer since Stella left Ted for her ex-boyfriend and baby daddy. While it never seemed likely that Stella could be The Mother (hello, Season 3!), she and Ted worked well together. Besides the whole New Jersey vs. New York thing. And the hating Star Wars thing. Hmm, maybe she should be ranked lower on this list…

Cindy

Okay, besides the fact that Cindy and Ted didn’t have as much in common as Ted and the Mother (and the fact that Cindy later realized she was a lesbian), we were pretty cool with those short-lived rumours that Cindy might be The Mother. Oh well!

Robin

Here’s where things get tricky. We love Robin, but Robin and Ted? That’s a tough one. Ted’s been in love with her forever, but they want completely different things in life. Also, she’s marrying Barney — so hopefully this season-long romance is officially over.

Victoria

Is Team Victoria a thing? Because we’re all about this charming, witty baker. Not only is she funny and smart, but she’s also an incurable romantic like Ted. Sure, she moved to Germany, but Ted could’ve followed her! They have buildings in Germany that need architecture-ing. No, what killed their relationship was Ted’s never-ending infatuation with Robin. All the luck in the world to The Mother — someone has to finally break this Robin.

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